So finally, we’ve got something tangible to talk about regarding the US Presidential elections. For tonight, the spotlight turns on Iowa for the first vote in the Republican nomination process (before moving really quickly to New Hampshire, leaving the Iowans cold and confused). Tonight is Iowa’s night – and so, here are some cog notes.

After all the initial guff of who is in and who is out, who just wants to randomly tour about America in a big huge bus before dropping out of the race before confirming they were in it and who really can’t seem to keep it in their pants, we are finally getting around to a real vote on who might be the Republican candidate to take on Obama this November.

The next few weeks are going to be fun times in US politics, but like over-hyped, too-eagerly-anticipated sex, it could be over before you know it. Want to get up to speed? Here’s some of the basics that you might need to know:

The main candidates

Here are the main ones that you need to recognise for tonight’s franchise-related festivities:

Mitt ROMNEY (former Governor of Massachussetts) The one word you will always hear associated with Romney is ‘Mormon’, but you should also read about what he did with healthcare while Governor of his State. Oh and his changing views on abortion. He’s the front runner in the race right now.

Ron PAUL (House of Representatives, Texas) There’s a certain Dana-like quality to Ron Paul: it almost not a real Presidential race without them both being there on the ticket, having a go. This is the 3rd attempt at getting a Presidential nomination for this tell-it-as-it-is, low tax, free market, Tea Party candidate.

Rick SANTORUM (former Senator, Pennsylvania) This is the guy that has come from nowhere in this race to potentially finishing second or third in Iowa, which makes him a bit of a contender. Anti-gay, anti-abortion and pro-intelligent design. May not be much of a Democrat-vote stealer so.

Rick PERRY (Governor, Texas) A former Democrat, Perry has held the Texan Governor position since 2000, which was four elections ago. If you search for ‘Rick Perry’, ‘gay’ and ‘Christmas’ on YouTube, you’ll get the most famous video of this campaign to date, which could just be his Howard Dean moment. We will wait and see.

Michelle BACHMANN (House of Representatives, Minnesota) She’s a leading proponent of the Tea Party gang, along with Ron Paul though she’s the more famous for this association. She’s also pretty famous for being into a bit of mild white witch stuff when off duty.

Newt GINGRICH (former Speaker of the House of Representatives, drafter of ‘Contract with America’ and general plague to Bill Clinton when he was in office) Gingrich’s campaign has been like a bronco bull from the lows of a lot of campaign resignations to leading the race a short while ago – before all the other main candidates dumped a whole pot load of money into negative campaigning about him to bring him down. Compared to the other candidates, he’s a real moderate, along with Mitt Romney, which says more about the others than these two’s policy positions.

What’s going to happen

It’s all about each of the 50 states, plus US Virgin Islands, American Samoa, Puerto Rico, Guam and Northern Mariana Islands, holding either a caucus or a primary between now and late June

What’s a caucus?

It’s a fancy word for a public vote. The Des Moines Register have done a great job explaining their caucus process here, with pictures and everything. (In fact, if you want to learn more about Iowa and what’s happening there today this is a site that is well worth a read.)

It’s interesting that the Republicans and the Democrat caucus systems in Iowa are different and so ‘to stereotype’ – the Republicans are all neat and organised with hands in the air in military precision, where as the Democrats are all about hugs and hanging out in circles. Brilliant.

Then what’s a primary?

Basically, where a caucus is a ‘public-sure-show-us-which-way-you’re-voting-there-so-we-can-all-have-a-gawp’ kind of thing, a primary is more of a ‘mind-your-own-business-my-ballot-is-secret’ style of voting, which is more like how we do it here in Ireland.

What’s all the hoo-ha about Iowa?

So Iowa has it enshrined in their state law that they must be the first caucus of the nomination process. And as it gets to kick all of this off, it gets all of the spotlight right now. As I’ve also said above, this is also the first chance at really seeing who is going up against Obama in November this year.

Now bear in mind that Iowa does not necessarily decide the winner (out of the last nine caucuses, six who won Iowa got the nomination), what it will do is separate the real contenders from the wannabes pretty early. So what will be interesting to note is who’s hanging on at the bottom of the list by the end of tonight, with the fewest number of votes. Then see how long they continue hanging on there before ‘withdrawing from the race’ and declaring their support for one of the others still left fighting – which if they time it right could still mean they get a nice job in the new Administration if their newly-supported horse wins the Presidential derby later in the year. It’s pretty ruthless, but hey that’s politics.

The other thing that Iowa does is test expectations and see if people are really in contention at the top. The way this one has moved around this year, if Mitt Romney doesn’t poll well, that’s going to be a bit of a kick in the teeth for him, whereas Santorum – well as long as he does not come Paddy Last, he’s going to be doing well. This is a text book case of ‘Expectation Management’.

What’s happens after Iowa?

The show moves onto New Hampshire for their vote next Tuesday, then on to South Carolina, then Florida etc. While all States have a primary, we’ll hopefully have a good idea of where things are in a fortnight’s time with Super Tuesday, when a crapload of states all vote on the same day.

Here are the main key dates (c = caucus, p = primary):

• 3 January, Iowa (c)
• 10 January, New Hampshire (p)
• 21 January, South Carolina (p)
• 31 January, Florida (p)
• 6 March, Super Tuesday [Alaska (c), Georgia (p), Idaho (c), Massachusetts (p), North Dakota (c), Ohio (p), Oklahoma (p), Tennessee (p), Vermont (p) & Virginia (p)]
• 24 March, Texas (p)
• 22 May, California (p)

Now it may not get as far as Texas and California, but as this nomination is wide open, we don’t know when we will start to see a clear winner. But as Texas and California carry a serious number of delegate votes, they will be able to swing this election in one candidate’s favour if it gets that far.

Hope that’s useful. Now if you have any questions you want answered on this stuff, do post it below or email me at andrea@plaintalking.ie and we’ll get the electoral elves to find an answer for you.

Now…

*sits down with a cup of tea and a biscuit to start staring at electoral numbers coming from Iowa*

And if you have ever watched a Champions League qualifier or Heineken Cup pool match, hold your sniggering. Because this is our sports night.